Teen's Suicide Streamed Live On Internet

A Florida teen who intentionally overdosed streamed his death on the Internet while it occurred Wednesday.

Others watched online. This is such a sad, disturbing event, on so many different levels.

It is sad that someone would do this over a live feed on the Internet. That just goes to show you that this teenager was crying out in pain for attention and and much needed help. The teen had reportedly announced his intentions on a bodybuilding chat forum and left a suicide note. With the video still streaming, viewers eventually called the local police, who broke down the door, found the body and switched off the camera.

Up to 1,500 people were viewing, according to one report.

Abraham Biggs was not the first person to commit suicide with a web cam rolling.

But the drawn-out drama — and the reaction of those watching — was seen as an extreme example of young people‘s penchant for sharing intimate details about themselves over the Internet.

Last year a British man hanged himself live on web cam. His suicide was witnessed by about 100 chat room users. According to one charity that works to prevent suicide, there have been at least 17 deaths in Britain since 2001 involving chat rooms or sites that give advice on suicide methods. A small group of parents and professionals concerned over the number of teen suicides in Juneau, Alaska grew over the past year into a task force that is using volunteerism and a state grant to address the problem. Alaska's suicide rate is two times the national average - one of the highest in the country.

Teen suicide became a particular concern in Juneau when, just a few months into the last school year, four teens had taken their own lives.

During a series of meetings with police, psychologists, pastors, school counselors and others, it was determined that eight young adults had committed suicide in the prior 18 months.

I've heard many educators and parents debate over whether or not children who spend a large amount of time using the Internet are losing critical, social skills. Critics argue that Internet use is often used to replace real-life social interaction between young people and causes a lack of ability to relate to others in a healthy manner. After reading the story about the young man who killed himself before an amused, live audience, I've been wondering if this might not be true.

There is one residential treatment center in Utah, that I personally know of, that allows and encourages their students to spend time on MySpace.

They state on their website "Our youth treatment center helps each struggling teen in our center find the worth and value in themselves." I am not sure what their current tuition is, probably somewhere between $5,00 and $7,000, and I have to wonder if parents are really aware that this is part of what they are paying for? The parents whom I assisted in removing their child from that environment were in shock when their daughter's therapist said that even if they, the parents, did not want their daughter on MySpace the program was going to let her engage anyway, as they felt it was "normal" daily activity in a teens' life and needed to happen. Maybe this is how they babysit the kids, at the rate of $165 to $235 per day. What about the kids that had this unhealthy addiction before they came to treatment? It boggles my mind, but is absolutely true, as I spoke to the therapist myself. This will be addressed in the book - One Size Does Not Fit All - Who Knew!

Does repeated Internet use cause people to lose their ability to identify with others? Is there something about the emotional distance from which we can view on line activities that causes a distortion of reality?

I don't have the answers to these questions, however, I think that they are certainly important to consider; particularly when raising and educating children in a culture which is immersed in technology. True, websites themselves are not responsible. We all must be responsible for our own actions, our own safety, and our own lives. Those who have children must take responsibility for them. Those who have a loved one who is in a precarious situation must be the ones who take action to assist them. We cannot child-proof the world.

Personal accountability and responsibility needs to make a comeback in each and very home.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.,A.C.C
TroubledTeenHelp.com

Ragging on teenagers

Ragging on teenagers has become even more noticeable this year. Some of the most aggressive comments I have heard come from the middle and upper-middle classes, who are proving the Beatles right. Money can’t buy kids love. And hey, I am not pointing fingers. I did all I could to buy my daughter everything I could afford, hoping she would never have to experience what I did as a child. It backfired. Remind me to tell you the story of searching the entire west coast for all of the Power Rangers one Christmas.

I also notice that privileged parents too often seem to regard their adolescent offspring as though they were holdings in the family stock portfolio: Either they perform or they’re out. '

For the last several years, the trend among the well-to-do has been to blame the teenager for everything that goes wrong in the family. Divorce, financial stress, loss of a job, and in once case a parent blamed their child for their plastic surgery going wrong, sating the kid stressed them out so much they did not heal correctly. I can at least say I never blamed my daughter for all the choices I made or for the emotions I struggled with.

Ever since the 1999 Columbine school shooting in Colorado and a rash of books in 2002 that took girls to task for almost everything, a shift started happening.

Forget nurturing; boys were murderers and girls were murderous, and a parent’s best hope was merely to survive until they left home. How sad is that? No matter how bad it seems at home with your child they did not spring full-blown from the belly of some alien monster sent to Earth to drive you towards a complete nervous breakdown. These are children, and they are products of the home environments that are created in which they live. Sometimes we do a great job and sometimes we don't. That is life. We learn as we go. If I knew then what I know now I would have been a much better parent. However, we cannot undo what is done. Some of the mistakes I see are that parents expect their kids to grow up too fast, either because they don’t have time to be responsible parents or, worse, because they are too distracted by their own activities.

Children may be barely into puberty, but they ought to act like adults? We give them things instead of companionship, as though an iPod, a cell phone, a laptop, a video game or a new car were enough to make any child happy and well-behaved. We define “good enough” too narrowly, which may sound familiar to any parent who thinks that the only good university is an Ivy League one. It’s an unfortunate understandable urge that us Baby boomers know too well.

We are part of a population change, facing competition for everything from college admission to Social Security dollars, and we want to make sure our kids will have an advantage. We’re old enough to know that life isn’t fair, yet we scramble for the edge in amusing ways; some parents hold their children back from kindergarten out of genuine concern for their developmental readiness, while others do it as part of a long-term strategy for success, figuring that the extra year’s maturity will translate into better grades. Life is measured in hits and misses, making it far too easy for our children to feel like failures. We set out-of-reach standards of personal behavior; for too many parents, there are no misdemeanors, only felonies. Some frequently punish by turning their backs on their kids– by denying troubled children the very support and affection they probably need. Parents are afraid to be parents. Parents are afraid to take that step of support for fear their child will no longer love them. Parents fear their child getting help and being healthy when they themselves are struggling emotionally. Parents who reject their difficult children fail to recognize that the kids often feel out of control and want a guiding hand.

The middle class may be able to provide all of the good life, but the soulful shell is fairly empty in many cases. Parents condemn members of the helping professions for everything from over medicating to over-diagnosis. In many cases I agree that it has gotten out of hand. Labels are not good and are not needed when dealing with a troubled teen. Not every kid who has a sullen afternoon requires professional help, unless, of course, the parents want a quick fix. And believe me, there is no quick fix. A quick fix is a provocative idea, and a troubling one. However, what was happening in the 1970's with troubled teens is not all that different than what is happening today. Kids today are still thrill-seeking, are still using drugs and drinking, are still sexually active. One girl I recently assisted reminisces about a drug-induced evening when a guy was threatening to kill her with a broken beer bottle if she didn’t have sex with him. She never told her parents abut the party or the experience, and of course she was acting out at home, and yes, she used drugs to deaden the pain of her emotions. She was labeled as a troubled teen.

She isolated from her parents, stayed in her room, spent hours on the computer talking in chat rooms to others about her experience. Did she need help? Yes. Did she get it? Finally, after her emotions went into full blown depression. Three months later her parents had her in treatment.

Just in time. She was planning on suicide. They never knew. They were devastated. Is this a troubled teen? Yes, but not in the way they always seem to get labeled. There is usually a whole lot more going on that parents realize. Parents who respond to escalating problems by cutting ties to their children, makes me wonder: Did these people think they had struck a special deal with God (or whoever their higher power may be) to provide them with easy kids or they’d get to quit their parenting job? And again, not every parent can afford a residential treatment center. Who knows what kinds of help we might still be able to offer the walking wounded, in all age groups, if support programs had not fallen under the budgetary ax time and time again?

And then are those, like Dave Pelzer (A Child Called "it") whose life was so horrific as to almost defy belief. Believe me, it happens every day here in the United States. Dave did not live far from where I lived in Los Altos, California. When I read his book my heart almost stopped.

My own childhood was filled with abuse, fear of being killed on any given day, loss of my adopted mother by suicide when I was 9, sexual abuse by my adopted father, so much pain and rage.

Could I have been labeled a troubled teen? Yes, absolutely. Fortunately there was this part of me that always had eventual hope that the dark world would become clear and I would see light again and feel love. Many troubled teens are a triumph to the human spirit. Many have courage and determination. And many suffer in silence. Life has it's challenges.

Checking out as a parent is not an option.

Troubled Teen Help

Helping Parents Reach Out to Their Troubled Adolescents, Teens and Young Adults

Let’s Face It ….

There is not much you can do as a parent until your teen is properly motivated. No parenting technique, approach, talk, or change on your part will work until your teen is motivated to listen to and follow your directions. Most teens don’t lack the ability to connect to their parents or follow rules, they simply lack the motivation to do so.

When it comes to parenting teens today, you can never have too much information and that is exactly what I will be offering on this blog as well as on my website www.troubledteenhelp.com.

I will be writing articles about Teen Health; Education; Troubled Teens; Teen Drug Abuse; Tips For Parenting Teens; and Other Teen Issues. I encourage all parents to offer their comments, opinions, questions and suggestions as well as share their own experiences with any of the topics here. I would also like to hear what parents of teens would like to see written here. So feel free to contact to post and let us know what you think of the blog.

Dore E. Frances, M.A, A.C.C.