Be thankful and appreciative for what you have.
Many families are in the process of redefining expectations about what it means to be thankful for what the currently have. I have lived a life firmly ensconced in the American middle class, a life shaped by education, professional jobs and self employed to where I live a comfortable lifestyle. I live in that space where people work hard, pay their bills (mostly) on time, live in houses (I rent) they can afford, and work to save a little bit every month. Thankfully, I have not needed the net of social services, and I also do not envy the lifestyles of the rich and famous.
I have mostly been content.
After all, my life has followed a pattern of being able to stay self employed, I rent a nice house and have office space, I have a nice car (2001 Solara with 45,000 miles), and yes, I do admit to a sense of entitlement about being comfortable. Like a lot of people however, that safety has been rocked a bit this year. I have felt angry, frustrated and even a little bit scared. And I suspect many others have as well. To say "it is not fair" and whine, when I work so hard - when I have done everything right, just serves no purpose. Now I am making more conservative choices, avoiding risks, and keeping myself feeling safe. Even after Sept. 11 (9/11), when the world became a scarier place, I was not overly concerned.
A sense of "normal" was so far out of whack for me anyway, as my daughter had just entered her residential boarding school on Feb. 10, 2001. So, what was normal returned very quickly for me, even though flying has never been the same. Now things are crumbling around a lot of families.
Thank goodness I have a home office and my family and parent coaching center is right upstairs, so I do not commute. I know that Medicare and Social Security will not offer me what they did to my grandparents. What I am hearing is, kids asking, "what should I do now?"
Their parents who have gone through life with a sense of balance tell them to stop worrying about things they cannot control. Good advice. However, the parents are wondering how they are going to regain their financial fate. They are wondering how they make sure that their family is financially safe. Adults remember that others have lived through hard times. Many of us grew up hearing first hand accounts of life during the Great Depression when homelessness and hunger were real problems for many. (Not to say it is not a real problem now). To survive back then, everyone in the family learned to do with less, took care of themselves and helped others when they could. When times improved, they lived with a renewed appreciation of abundance.
And who remembers the recession in the 1970's when inflation and unemployment were historically high, gas lines were facts of life (I was an even number), and we drank powered milk because not everyone could afford the real stuff. I know there are many parents today worried about money, their jobs and if they will be able to afford Christmas presents. Some parents are keeping this from their kids. So those kids who have no idea feel secure and still intact with their i-pods, cell phones, designer clothes and expensive skateboards. I am grateful that I am not drinking powered milk, but I think we are all learning some lessons about living within our means. Many of us need to re-prioritize our spending around groceries and will be taking far less weekend getaways. Life has changed in some fundamental ways for many families. This is a time to refocus on what is important instead of what is next on the list of living life beyond our means.
And kids need to be doing the same. Use cash instead of credit cards, and when it's gone, it's gone. Shop for what you need instead of what you want. Focus on paying bills, and anything left over will go into savings. Share what you can because there are others hurting worse than you. Doing this, and involving your kids, will help you all to rediscover what it means to be grateful for what you have and appreciate it longer. The moment you realize that life can, and does, change in an instant is a profound moment in the journey of life.
Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
